Twenty one days till home .
I can`t wait .

The truth is , I love this town .
I love love love Kay-Elle .. with its glamorous malls and pretty shops and the rush hours . It makes me feel so alive . I love being busy . I like  to achieve what others deem impossible . And I do love college . This year has seriously been the best year of my life so far .

But .. along with the glamour of the city , comes the twin package of fake smiles , tons of manipulative and aloof people , lies , twists , and a huge dose of politics and conflicts .

Yes , politics , even in college .
Gets to you , doesn`t it ?

And I am so sick of all that .
So right now ..

I just want to go home .

Home , where I will always be pampered like a princess .
Where I can always spill my heart to more simple-minded people .
Where I need not have the fear of being used .
Where I can always , always , always find solace .

... i just wanna go home .
 



And THAT picture ,
Is dedicated to you blind morons who claim that I look like my brother (we are the two in the middle) .

Same blind morons who think that they know me very well .

* laughs *
Kiss my ass .

Hello ? You don`t  know me very well .
Nobody knows me very well .
You won`t even come close ...
unless you are a certain very short , idiotic but ultimately cute and loyal dwarf .


The Dwarf

Brings me to another topic .
You see , I`ve said all along that the only best friend that I have is Michelle .
Best FRIEND . NOT plural .

But the fact is that most people have best friendS. Yes ? 

So I thought , maybe the others are right , since I am the sole person I know that insists that you can have only ONE best friend .

And this year in college , by chance , I got really close to someone whom I thought has the potential to be my second best friend . We were so close that even other people were labelling us as "best friends" .

Hence I sincerely thought that the idea of a second best friend was possible .

The things I have done and sacrificed for this whole new important person in my life , I shall not mention here . Because if I publicly claim credit for it , it will become meaningless .

But I assure you that it amounts to the most I have done for a friend (that I have only known for less than one year) .


But what do I get in return ?
Disappointment .
Anger .
Frustration .
Sadness .
Confusion .
Ignorance .
And a sense of betrayal .

First of all , I get frustrated .
Then , I get confused .
When the confusion clears , I feel angry .
When the anger fades away , I feel hurt .
When the hurt has finally dissolved after endless nights of crying myself to sleep ,
all I have left is ignorance for you .

So that is what I am doing now - I am trying to ignore your existance .
I will still be cordial to you .
I will still talk normally to you .
I will laugh along with you .
I won`t shun or walk away from you .

But I will never be more than a normal friend to you , ever again .
You have hurt me in a way that no friend has ever hurt me before .

For a few months , you were being ungrateful , blur , ignorant and insensitive .
Even when I so obviously hinted it to you , so many times .
You let yourself be rude to me .
You let that pretentious bitch be rude to me .

The same pretentious bitch who is thick-faced enough to require that I print her name on your birthday card , for your birthday surprise that I nearly died organizing . Ask anyone in ADP who has seen my effort behind the scenes , and they will tell you .

As for that bitch ?
She didn`t contribute a single amount of money OR effort in making it a success . AND SHE STILL DARED TO ASK ME TO PRINT HER FUCKING CINA-WANNABE-COOL NAME on your card .

The same pretentious bitch who gets away with ditching you when you need help the most . As for me ? What do I get everytime I help you , or offer you help ? I get you losing your temper with me .

The same pretentious bitch who has, for countless times, blamed me for things that are to do with you, that are NOT MY FAULT . And YOU KNOW IT . But you never said anything . Not a single word . NOTHING .

Shall I go on ?
Cause there are tons more .

Not once , NOT EVEN ONCE IN OUR WHOLE MISERABLE PERIOD OF FRIENDSHIP , have you stood up for me in ANY way .

And now you claim that you are sorry .
But i refuse to accept it , because , how could you not see ?

That everytime you were in trouble , I am there .
Every time you need help , I am there .
Through thick and thin , I am always there .
And only when you are joyful and enjoyable to be with , or when you are of some use , that pretentious bitch is there . I am not the only one who has made this observation , mind you . I can easily name you ten more .


And now , just because you have suddenly "awaken" , and after a few effortless efforts to rebuild our friendship , you think that you can wash all my hurt away and turn it back to the good old times .

No.
I deserve better .

And this has taught me a lesson anyway .
So thank you .

Lesson learnt ,
Never allow other people to change what you firmly believe in . 

I believed that it is only possible to have ONE best friend .

And I believe in that even more firmly now .
I know better now .
I know that ..

That place of honor , from now onwards ,
shall now be reserved solely for the one person
that has NEVER made me feel left out , NEVER in her whole life intended to insult or hurt me , NEVER failed to comprehend the way I do the things I do , NEVER failed to make things right , NEVER slow to reply to my emails/phone calls/texts to console me , NEVER abandoned me even when she is thousands of miles away in Australia .


Her name is Michelle Ong .



Friends forever ?
Only you .



Best friend locket <3

Speak of the devil ;)




Night of the Living Dead
HALLOWEEN PARTY
Parking Lot
Main Campus
Taylor's University College

* to be updated *

" You think too much . " - quote from MY DAD :D

And I dedicate that to all haters .
Or more specifically , the anonymous cowards on my tagboard .
" You think I care ? Well you think too much ! " HAHA . Love you papa .

Here`s the deal .
I won`t be intimidated .
Nor will I delete your insults .
Nor will I respond with anger .
So you can stop trying :D


Because I know that I am not an average teen .
Chances are that you can barely compare to me , be it social status , academic achievements , etc .
And I`m stating the facts .

Call it ego ? Call it pride ? Call me overconfident ?
I call it being me .


Don`t like it ?

I`ll tell you what you can do about it .
You can read my shirt .



:D
There you go .
Get the picture ?
(geddit ? LOL)

On a side note ,
THAT SHIRT IS AWESOME !
Doncha think  ?
But some people found it offensive . Blah . Go die la !
It is tres awesome okay :P


On another side note ,
I is very the homesick .. this few days .
And I is not knowing why .
" woah your england so POWDERFUL ! "  - Chew Su Juin 

I grew up with the craziest dad , the scariest mum and the weirdest brother .
And I love the end product :P


P/S: Just so you know I do NOT have a huge-ass ego .
Its just that I welcome constructive criticism , not otherwise .

Make that three months of battling Life the Bitch .
Hohoho .

Dear Life ,

You are being such a bitch to me .
You are trying to rob me of my sanity .
You rob me of sleep , personal time , blogging time and a thousand other things that I love .
You are trying to wear me out , tear me down with all the challenges that you are throwing at me .
You are trying to stand in the way of my goals .


Well guess what ?
After two whole gruesome months of battling you ,
I`m still holding on . I`m still alive and kicking , I'm still not giving up .

And you will never beat me .
NEVER .

Because I am me and I always will be .

Defeat ?
What defeat ?

Sorry , no such word in my dictionary .

- - - * - - -

Meanwhile , meet my new friend of the month :
Manu Rao



He is so cool that he wears sunglasses at night ! :D




He parades around with this cowboy hat ! :D




He calls her Gloria ! :D




And this is his awesome file ! :D  (inside joke)



And here are my pretty pretty eyes for the whole wide world to see .


wheeeeeeeeeeeeee


Wanna see magic ?


Taaaa dah !
Now you can stop asking me why I use make-up to cover them up right bitches ?
=D


Life .
Its just one damned thing after another .



Treasure the people in your life .
Spend more time with them before you start losing them .. or before they start losing you .

Cause thats what it feels like right now .

I am up to my neck in assignments, projects, tests, quizzes and midterms.

I already have lecturers and co-workers breathing down my neck,
so i really don`t need my own friends to breathe down my neck as well.

And if you are the NEXT PERSON to ask me "NICOLE WHY DIDN`T YOU GO BACK FOR RAYA HOLS?"
I am going to bite your head off .
I am SO SICK of that stupid question .


More later.
Am in school library finishing off my bloody accounts homework.

- - - - - - - - * - - - - - - - -


Ah forget it .
My anger kinda died off ady ..

But seriously .
Accusations . No other word for it .



1. I don`t reply SMSes .

First of all , I am broke .
That is why I don`t reply SMSes . Even if I do , not immediately , cause most probably I needa go reload before I can reply you .

Secondly .
This sem , I am really SO BUSY that I don`t even have time to blog about how busy I am (unlike the last 2 semesters) .
Once I neglect my blog , you should have an idea of how stressful my life is .
Because I love blogging .


I don`t even have time to talk to my own parents anymore .
Everytime my dad calls me I am in college - either in the middle of a meeting , or in the middle of a discussion , or in the middle of a meeting , or in the middle of a discussion . Its damn sad okay ?

And sometimes I even get frantic calls/texts from my parents because I forget to reply them for days .

So please .
You are lucky if I even remember to reply your texts/messages AT ALL .
SO DON`T COMPLAIN ABOUT ME REPLYING THEM LATE , GOD DAMMIT .
Be honoured .

If you sms me about random things , please don`t be surprised if I don`t reply .
Nowadays i only reply if I need to (Facebook doesn`t count btw) .
So yeah .



2. You find it annoying that I always say that I have things to do .

Well what do you expect me to do ? Lie ?
You think that I don`t wanna go out when you ask me out ?
Which sane person will pick slaving over going out with their friends ?
I seriously don`t understand why some people hold grudges against me because of this .

And just in case you are thinking: She always says that she is busy busy busy but what exactly is she busy about ? All talk no action .

Oh yeah ?
THIS MONTH (SEPTEMBER) , I have done/achieved/have yet to do:

1. Daphne's Birthday Surprise (which is a major success if I say so myself)
2. Be_ADP's Social Responsibility Campaign launch (signed document with AUAM - American Universities Alumni Malaysia , and even the Prime Minister of Malaysia's secretarial department was present )
3. Work for Fiesta Econo-Mania (an upcoming carnival event which is for charity - to fight AIDS )
4. Taylor's Business Plan Competition (got into semi-finals . It is not easy . I`m damn proud of my team mates and myself okay ? )
5. Three midterm exams ( bloody accounting . DAMMIT )
6. Faisal Cup for Harvest School ( kinda like Sports Day for underprivileged children . I`m working as a volunteer . )
7. Miraz Club's Halloween Celebration ( Halloween is kinda big in ADP )
8. Be_ADP's Halloween Booths ( to be planned )
9. Presentation at AUAM's Dinner ( to be attended by the Deputy Prime Minister of Malaysia )
10. The Actuarial Science Talk ( as an Activity Director , organized a talk about all you need to know about Actuarial Science )
11. Chemistry Project ( Tin Poisoning . Wtf . )
 
and I don`t even wanna go on anymore .

How many of you are rotting at home every night , wasting your time and life ?
How many of you nod your head in agreement everytime you hear people talk about the environment , underprivileged children and all that ... but never actually MOVE YOUR ASS to help make a change in this world ?
How many of you dream of being rich and whatever , but never actually bother to work hard and reach out to all the key people that will give you a push along the way ?

Because guess what ?
I am doing exactly that .
And nothing - I repeat , nothing will stop me .

All those blog posts about my thoughts about this world . . . you think I posted it for fun , like 99% of bloggers ? All posting about global issues and shit , but never actually taking any actions ?
I mean it when I say that I want to help heal this world .
I mean it when I say that I want to be one of the most successful actuaries ever .
I never take my eyes off my goals .

I know that most of you can`t be bothered . Typical humans . I`m fine with that .
I`m not saying that I think I am superior just because I do all these things .
But before you judge me , take a good look at yourself first .
And then decide whether I allocate my time better , or you allocate your time better .



3. I am ditching my friends , esp hometown peeps .
4. I don`t care about my family .

Sound familar to some of you ?

And the bloody million dollar question of the week is: HOW COME NICOLE DIDN`T GO BACK TO SARAWAK FOR RAYA HOLIDAYS ?

I`ll bloody tell you why .
ONE . The tickets to and fro aren`t exactly cheap , because I didn`t book them earlier this year (which others did) .
TWO . ADP-ians only get three BLOODY days of raya holidays , unlike all the A-lvls or SAM people .
THREE . ONE+TWO = Its not worth it for me to go back to Kuching for this Raya hols . Simple math .
FOUR . Its not my problem if you think that I should have done otherwise . I did discuss with my parents before making my decision . Therefore it was a mutual agreement , which leads to the fact that I do care about what my family wants .

Look at it this way .

If I had gone back for those short three days , I would have spent most of my time with my family anyway .

So if they are okay with it , WHO ARE THE REST OF YOU TO JUDGE ?
Bunch of judgemental idiots .


5. I only care about work that involves ME . 

Well , I can think of no arguements to this except . . . why wouldn`t I ?
And I think that alone is good enough .
What , do you expect me to help you with your calculus when my accounting is dying ? Help you out with your report when I have an appointment ?


Honestly .
I need about 50 hours a day .
Sometimes , I even need to remind myself to BREATHE .
I am constantly being chased by lecturers and co-workers to submit my work .
So I really , really need all my friends to be understanding right now .

Please understand if I don`t have time for you right now .
I am , quite frankly , the busiest I have been in my whole entire life .

I don`t know about you , but before i go to sleep every night , I like to lay for a while and think about this truly amazing thing called  life .



You know , its just so odd when:

 On the worst night of your life , the best thing that`s about to happen to you begins .

On the day you thought you were surely going to lose one of your closest friends , she suddenly comes to her senses and picks you up once more .

Just when you think that there`s no hope , it springs and hits you right in the face .

And just when you`re absolutely sure that you can`t love anymore . . .
you are proven dead wrong .

IF there is a person controlling fate or governing life ( i don`t believe in God ) , then he/she must be one of the most sentimental jackasses EVER . With a very sick yet lovable sense of humor . Ahahaha :P

I`ve always said that I want to live my life with heart-soaring joy and heart-breaking misery . And i AM living it that way .
To me thats what life is all about .
Its about the amazing life experience that you have , not what you amount to .
Its about the journey , not the destination .



Savour the journey like how you would savour a nice car ride .
( Get the joke ? lol . Car ride . . . the picture . . . HAHAHA )

Life is measured not by the number of breaths we take , but by the number of moments that take our breath away .

If there is ONE type of people that i absolutely pity , its cowards .
People who do not dare to go on the ride of their lives .

Because seriously ?
You have no idea what you`re missing .

So what are you waiting for ? 
Get your ticket for the ride today .
And as for the ticketing machine ?
You can`t find it using your brain or senses or whatever .

You can only find it by using your heart .

Cowards are weaklings because they have weak hearts that are often untouched , rusty , and are seldom put to use .
And no , I don`t care what the bloody dictionary says .

Accidentally clicked on Michelle Wong and saw her display picta .
Was sooo amazed by the similarity . . .

UNTIL SHE REPLIED .
I kinda got freaked by the similarity of our FONTS as well O_O

O_O
Just sharing a minor WTF moment :D

To be updated