I went on a Trump family craze for the past 1 month.

In the midst of all that, I watched Celebrity Apprentice for the first time.

It's pretty exciting, but towards the end I got tired of the "drama element" that always manages to edit itself into the episodes of reality TV -_- you know?

Anyway, the final two:

,
I wish Marlee Matlin had won :(
For a deaf actress, she has accomplished so much and her spirit is amazing.

#GirlPowerFTW!

Gawd I sound like such a feminist.

 I'm not, really. 

Yup, Ivanka Trump.

I first came to know of her existence when I started reading a lot of finance self-help books earlier this year.

Basically, they help you realize a few important concepts about money.
For example, this:

And teach you/help you brainstorm about a million ways to overcome it.
(That's how I see it anyway.)


Anyway... finance self-help books.
One of the books I read was co-authored by Donald Trump.

Now if the name Ivanka Trump doesn't ring a bell, the name Donald Trump should.

He is Ivanka Trump's father.

At first I thought "oh okay, lucky girl, born into the right family"... and then after watching Youtube clips of Donald Trump and his children, I must say that the man did a spectacular job raising them.

All of them are so well-spoken and successful, especially Ivanka.
She is always so poised, so stunning, so classy, so smart.

I don't know how she does it.

Seriously.
Hate him or love him, I would say Donald Trump did a pretty good job with his kids.

There are many articles that claim he favours Ivanka.
Well, I wouldn't blame him.

I would be so proud of my daughter if she looked like THIS, had everything that Paris Hilton was entitled to or born with, but didn't turn out like Paris Hilton.

Living proof that you don't have to wear revealing clothes to be attractive.
#Ivanka Trump
#Emma Watson

She works very closely with her dad.

She's Vice President at The Trump Organization,
but she pretty much earned her way up.

She's had 300 bucks a month for living expenses since she was a teen.
The rest, she earned herself.

Gotta hand it to Donald Trump.
I mean if you had that much money and such a darling for a daughter, it must be pretty hard to push her out into the world at such a tender age to sorta start making a living for herself.

And if you watch her interviews, you'd realize that she pretty much kicks ass in the intellectual department.

I first came across her videos while I was watching The Celebrity Apprentice.

The first time I watched Apprentice,
I remember being blown away by how well-spoken she was.
I mean seriously, none of the stupid giggling and everything else of the sort. 

Definitely not your average hot American blonde.
No matter how much she looks like it.

Best part?

She's got a reasonable amount of fat.
Check out those semi-flabby arms!

She's probably... twice the size of Paris Hilton?
Or at least one and a half?

My type of girl!!! :D

She also got married and had a baby girl recently.

Lucky man.
Her wedding pictures are beautiful :)

Anyway, for her wedding, Donald Trump said this in an interview with Oprah:

"I gave Ivanka a wedding budget.
It was unlimited... and she exceeded it."

HAHAHA NICE!
I think I can relate to her because we're both daddy's girl.
Hehe :D

I think I'd better stop here, I could go on about her all day...



Ivanka, thanks for inspiring me.

At this point in my life, I have two choices.
One of them is pretty much becoming someone like you.

In about a year, I will have to make my final decision.

If my final decision is the choice that relates to you,
I will have you as my benchmark
or at least, continue to look up to you for guidance and inspiration.

:)

Hi.

August?
Awesome!

September?
Spectacular!

October?
Oh man.
I'm not a fan.


Yeah, I just summed up the past 3 months and made up for not blogging for so long.
And I made it rhyme as well (man, fan).

What can I say?
I'm awesome :)


---

Okay, the real deal.
August is always good, cause it's my birthday month.
I think my pure awesomeness always seeps into the month itself.

September was a lot of ups and downs, but mainly triumps :)
And I made my money in September, so September's good ;) y'know?

October is now.
And October... well, it's like I bought this shiny new car called LIFE in August, it worked well in August and September but now that October's here, I gotta send it for some servicing.
Yup.

Donald Trump is mean.
Ivanka Trump is my new idol.

I HAVE BEEN WRITING A DIARY SINCE 1ST AUGUST :D
Yes, a real hand-written diary.
(Yes, the diary is pink.)

I have a meeting to attend.
Adios.

... sorry for the choppy-ness. :(
I'm already 10 mins late but I just had to fill up this sad little space a bit.

Happy Birthday, Allen Koh! :) 
I hope you like the cake!
Sorry that it melted

I'm sorry that I scolded you until you cried before.
Three times.

Although it really is for your own good, it's because I can be quite mean as well :(
but I know you never did take it to heart, and I'm grateful for that.

Happy birthday dude!
I hope you have an awesome one

, your Spartext family :)

"Because I love you, you enormously stubborn pain in the ass." - Blair Waldorf

Real, raw pain.

The tears won't stop.

So it's been 3 days since I got back,
and I must say life is (or feels like it is) a lot better already.

The magic that is home :)

So I had a talk about it with my group of high school girlfriends,
as well as with my best friend today...

The votes were unanimous.

I need to stop dating.
For a while.

I need to clear my head.

But it's hard because when the sun sinks below that horizon, you still cloud my mind.
I still see your shadows everywhere.

I've had 3 quiet days to think about this,
and I've more or less figured out why.

It's a game of Chuck and Blair.
The attraction is fatal, the stakes are always sky high, and the games never end.
It's addictive as hell.

All we're gonna be left with are broken hearts.
Meeting Chuck Bass in real life is not fun.
Playing Blair Waldorf in real life is mind-wrecking.

I've decided to believe all those times when you told me that you loved me.
Although I've just found out that
you've used similiar lines on other girls.

"A new found glory"
"Love doesn't come with a warning"
"I don't miss you too... I miss you more"
"Which one of us will burn until the end?"
"And it's all downhill from here"

Same lines, same beginnings, and of course... same endings.

The way you handle your endings are also similiar.
You're cruel.
You serve it hard.
You show the whole world that you could do without us.

But I'm guessing that they could see through it too.
To hate is to show that you still care.
You're the meanest when you're hurt.

Sometimes I wish you would set aside your ego and pride for a bit.
You always lash out at others, but actually you're the one that's vulnerable.
Why can't you just let the act go?
It really doesn't have to be this way.
I'm so tired.

Truth be told, I am still deadly attracted to you, and I am in no way over you.
I freely admit that.
And I so badly want to be the one to heal you, to grow with you.

I know the tears you cried for me were real.
No one can fake that amount of hurt and anger.
The first time I left you,
you were willing to eat your words and call me like crazy. An egoist like you. Eating your own words, again and again. Unbelievable.

The second time I left you,
you actually cried in public. You lashed out at me like you've never lashed out before. You were cursing at me, crying, and at the same time caressing my face with a tenderness I've never seen before.

You're crazy.

I remember all the things you promised me.
One thing about you is that you don't make promises easily.

You said,
"I will never let go of you."

I don't know whether to believe you or not.
But hell, it doesn't matter anymore.

Because I so badly want to be with you, boy...
but what I need is a man.

I need to start listening a little bit more to my head instead of my heart.

It's going to be hard to resist the urge when I see you again.

But I'll take your best shot.

One and a half months ago,
I said that I'm not gonna attempt another serious relationship anytime soon.

One month ago,
I met you, and you blew me away.

In a month,
We went on our first date, and that night, I couldn't sleep.

We lied down on the grass underneath the night sky, beside the lake, and nothing else seemed to matter.

We had plenty of goodmornings, goodnights, goodmornights and goodbyes.

We laughed, cried, ran and hid together.

I cried the hardest I have ever cried in your arms, telling you about my hardest battles and worst fears.

I climbed in and jumped out through a window - and did a lot of other things for the very first time.

All this... within a month.
Feels like a lifetime.

But where are we now?

I remember the days when you used to make me breakfast every day just because you were concerned about me not eating right/skipping meals because I was so busy.

I remember the days when you used to wait for me on Skype for hours, and kept calling me and texting me every 15 minutes to ask me to get on Skype, just so that you could get a glimpse.

I remember the days when you were constantly and publicly declaring that I'm your reason to smile.

I remember the days when you were obsessed about taking pictures of me, and your favourite phrase while doing that used to be "come on now, give me a smile :)".

I remember the days when you were constantly dedicating songs to me, and you were true to the lyrics.

I remember the days, not very long ago, when you would call me a few times in one single night - even if it meant that you had to eat your words cause you said you won't call me for weeks.

I remember the days when simple questions like "are you hungry?" and "are you okay?" were still asked.

I remember the days when you would flip out just because I am slightly less than happy with my day.

I remember the days when I was your only exception.

I remember the days when you would just stare at me when you made me smile, and softly tell me that I'm pretty - even though I have no makeup on, I'm in an oversized tee and my hair's in a mess.

I remember the days when you would pinch my cheeks and call me cute when you piss me off, instead of swearing mercilessly in return.

I remember the days when I would say "don't swear" and you would immediately say "sorry" and give me a smile.

I remember the day when you first told me that you love me.

I remember the days when I asked to see you, and you would reply with "I'm already on my way, babe."

 I remember the days when you would go to any measures just to get to spend the day with me. I remember the times when you would cab to my place at 6-7AM in the morning, although you were gonna see me in college in just a few hours - just because you missed me so much and you couldn't wait any longer.

I remember the days when walking away from me was the hardest thing for you to do. Today I just called you for a dozen times, and you didn't even pick up.

I remember when my tears made you cry.
What are my tears to you now?

I remember those days.
Those were the days when I wasn't in love with you, and you had completely no control over me. 
Yet.

What happened?

Maybe I should stop running around like a madwoman every day. But I get uncomfortable when life becomes a routine.

It makes me feel like I'm wasting my life, not trying or learning anything new every day.

You say I'm too adventurous.
I say, how can you expect your life to change for the better, or change at all, if you keep doing the SAME thing every day?
Same actions will lead to the same results.

I know a lot of people are guilty of this.
They say they wanna be happy.
They say they wanna be rich.
They say they wanna help the poor.

BUT EVERY DAY THEY WAKE UP,
GO TO SCHOOL,
GO TO WORK,
SLEEP.

Pray tell me how is your life going to change?


It's like a 13 year old girl who sits at home every day watching Taiwanese love dramas, hoping for her prince charming to come knocking on the door.

Ever heard of reality?

When I looked death in the eyes at the age of 13,
I saw my whole life ahead of me when I was wheeled into that operating theater.
I saw all the things that I always wanted to do, how my life would play out if I wasn't going to die.

And I promised myself that if I ever survived that spine surgery and get a second chance at life, I'll paint the goddamned canvas of my every day life so colourful that it makes one go blind.



And I'm doing exactly that.

No one can stop me.

I am going to live my life to the fullest, and make it as extraordinary as an ordinary 21st century girl can.


I know what people are trying to tell me.
I make my days so busy that sometimes I run too fast, I run at an alarming pace, and I might miss out on certain things.

I know I don't really slow down to enjoy the every day sights of life.

But hey, you get something and you lose something, right?
I can't expect to have everything.


Besides, I do take time to slow down once in a while.

About once every 3 months I take a break.
And when I'm having a vacation, I NEVER BRING MY WORK WITH ME.
(Especially if that vacation is happening back home!)

I don't neglect my family and friends.
(the ones I really care about anyway)



So yeah.
I think I'm good to go.

I'm sorry if I stress the people around me out.
Honestly, I run so fast that I don't expect anyone to keep up with my pace most of the time.

But what I'm saying is:
Don't expect me to slow down to adjust to your pace.

Because I won't.


Life is short :)

I learnt the true meaning of that at age 13, when I had scoliosis.
Your vision becomes 20/20 when you look death in the eyes.

Hello there.

So.
For the very first time, I made a decision to cut someone out of my life - completely.

Yeah...... not doing too well.

And yes, it's about a boy.
You can roll your eyes righttt about... now.

Anyway, his best friend tried to talk to me about it.
I sent her a reply, then I came here to blog.

And now I'm having trouble trying to write it all down here.

So I went back to the reply I sent her - and couldn't help but think that I sort of summed up everything rather well in that reply.

Rather... convenient.

So I shall post it here,
since those words were mine and only mine.

So... there you have it.
One and a half years of long distance.

Gone. Just like that.

But it's okay.
I don't regret it.
No seriously, I don't. In fact, I never regret anything.
I know that's hard to believe but it's true.

At least I learnt quite a few lessons 
from this whole endeavour.

"I don't care, I don't like the way he talks to you. It doesn't matter how smart or talented he is if he can't even give you the basic respect that a man who loves his girl SHOULD." 

"We can go into the whole theoretical thing about the wonderful man he could become - or at least, the man YOU claim that you can see that he will be. But for now - the boy that he is can just GTFO.
YOU DESERVE BETTER."

"If it were me, I'd forget about him. He's all the way there and not coming back in years. It's not going to work out between you two. First you found out there was another girl. Now you found out he kinda slept with two and he didn't tell you. AREN'T YOU TIRED?" 

"He might not be all the things that people accuse him of. But isn't it a bit odd that he leaves similiar trails everywhere? And even his own best friend makes similiar statements about him to you. I don't know, I personally believe that there's always some basis/truth underneath these kinda things. He DOESN'T SOUND LIKE A GOOD IDEA."

But I didn't make my decision based on all that.
I would never base my important decisions on anyone else's opinions.
No matter how important you are.

This applies to everyone.

Sorry.



This is the real reason why I decided to cut him off:

Part of his last text message to me:
"(front part is about me ending things with him)... and if you can't accept that my future is important to me too, then I'm afraid it's not going to work out."

You really don't get it, do you?
How can you accuse me of that?

I'm doing the exact opposite, love.
I'm cutting you free. 
Now you're free to take up that internship.

It's the only thing I can do for you.


 You call me selfish and say I'm quick to judge.
Pray tell me what right have you to judge me, when I'm only doing what's best for you and your future?

If you were me,
and you loved you, would you have had any other choice?

That internship is potentially life-changing.



I thought you would understand my last sacrifice.
Apparently not.
I'm a bit heartbroken about that, really.

As usual, it's always about you.
What you think is right, what you perceive others to be.
Right up to the last moment with me, you're still like that.

Take a good look in the mirror, man.
It'll do the next girl that comes along a hell lot of good.

I'm done.

I think you have no idea what you've just lost.
It'll hit you one day.